actions involved in transforming the mundane into the sanctified, the poison into the pure, symbolized the nght of guardianship The rituals of induction for a Reverend Mother constituted a battle between self and its long-held territory (which would resist any incursions) and the transcendental Self (which could expect to be rebuffed and abused) But by persistence and will the corrupt self would lose ground The spiritual repository of generations and millennia would REVEREND MOTHER 435 REVEREND MOTHER grow stronger and harder to dislodge as the ceremony advanced Conclusively, the territory of character would replace the ground of the other There it would stand unchallenged by onslaughts from without since the fierce inner strife had been resolved The sacred field that remained was inviolate, all spiritual perception growing there These final trials of transformation show a Reverend Mother in the act of creating self, a spiritual eye opening on to the infinite and eternal plateau In the stillness through which all movement is possible, she could then see the connection of all things in one unending stream Excerpts from the Sancto Sermones corroborate the five ordinances and the levels of accomplishment the aspirant to Elect status had achieved service for its sake alone, surrender of self to the cause, obedience m behalf of mission, challenging the unknown, converting the dread into the blessed 4 The supreme difficulties inherent in achiev ing these goals is attested to in die journals, diaries and private correspondence of those submitting themselves to the test Moreover, though the annotated Sanctae Vitae5 records only the history and genealogy of the Order of Reverend Mothers, the Holy Dialogs adds to these more personal experiences of the early group of Reverend Mothers6 All sources lead credence to the supposition that a Reverend Mother was the rallying point for unity in diversity She was to represent a meeting ground of various realities, a union of finite and infinite She was to participate in the communal life and by so doing impart to it sacramental meaning and significance She could encompass the All-changing and the Changeless One and thus become the resting place of the paradox of existence Through her being, she would reconcile that paradox into a comprehensible and acceptable vision But first me Reverend Mother had herself to engage m a struggle for enlightened consciousness This struggle was often characterized as the Ludus Duorum, in which her worldly and flawed spirit entered into fierce combat with the awakened consciousness and the Spirit of Reality7 In the struggle, the flawed spirit sought to hold itself together against the fixed and immutable center of true Reality Disintegration challenged inte- gration with now one, now the other, alternat ing in moves for control Illusion was seen as an adroit trickster, but Reality's constant light exposed every feint and dodge, and finally, through the power of Will, Reality won through Only then could She become a center of spiritual direction, the guide and guardian, the tutor and superintendent, the vessel of communion with the Absolute in behalf of the unknowable The journal of the Reverend Mother Edda Josefa contains a dramatic account of her early experiences on the way to transcendental perception I found that though I would practice the exer cises of self exorcism of discipline and control of will so as to overcome weak resolve I was afflicted with the petty intrusions of self s sorrow overtures of vanity and ambition and the temp tation to self-preservation Holding on to self as cosmic center like a sun around which atten dant bodies turn is the most insidious of illusions But then I found I could summon courage to unveil that imposter self I closed my eyes and turned inside with all the power of my concentration, to a vision of ascending steps leading to light that at once enfolded me and led me to my return My spirit remained in the heart of that light my heart and my mind were made new and free I now possessed within what I had sought elsewhere I had come to understand the distance between dutiful piety and obedience and intuition and acceptance of the Reality and the Uncreated Light I was now ready to take up my office 8 A similar entry in the Holy Dialogs documents the experience of Reverend Mother Avergmna Rellim, who described the process of becoming immune to the phenomenal world so as to intensify consciousness of a more perfect reality The life of the senses, she found, took over the proper place of intuition My energy had been too much directed to self regard and vain and idle thought Henceforth, I would dedicate my will and detach myself from illusion so that I might work the wonders of Reality within myself I dedicated m> active thoughts and thoughtful actions to disinterested service shipped of self regard So will faithful discipline afford me the freedom of conscious ness 1 seek 9 REVEREND MOTHER 436 RICHESE Many other such testimonials are contained in the Liber Rjcanm, which purports to chronicle the early experiences of those Reverend Mothers whose lives should serve as an example The Reverend Mother Lucilla Godyar, for example, was able to recount her first vision, that of an open door through which she could see, on the other side, the eternity of Reality.